We want to ensure Users should be able to go to a self-serve, choose what systems they need access to, we should be able to accept / deny, and then from here add the user to all the groups needed, create permission schemes, etc. automatically".
Welcome to the Community!
What you're looking for is done through Service Desks, or Jira Service Management. It's a separate product, and requires a bit of setup to make it do what you're asking for.
https://www.atlassian.com/software/jira/service-management/features/service-desk
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