* Setup a webserver under a virtual host for 'jira.atlassian.com'.
* Redirect all requests to this domain to a single PHP file. This PHP File should only send the status code header 500 and die.
* Edit the /etc/hosts file on your JIRA server and add 'jira.atlassian.com' with the IP address of the webserver
Now your JIRA should get a fast but very negative response and doesn't have to wait for a timeout.
(Not tested by myself)
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