[Language Help] What do you say when you're uncomfortable with language teammates use?

[Christine P. Dela Rosa]

Prompt: sometimes, the things coworkers say can make us feel uncomfortable. How do we let teammates know how we feel?

Please share the language you use in these situations. Or, upvote the responses you like.

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Series note: communication is the foundation of connection with teammates. The more options we have at our disposal, the better chance we have of communicating our needs. What better place to crowdsource ideas than from the Atlassian Community?

[Carlos Garcia Navarro]

Hi @Christine P. Dela Rosa ,

Thanks for the question! I like to be direct and transparent, and try to keep emotions out. I focus on the aspects of the message that make me feel uncomfortable and explain why. I sometimes say things like "you may not be aware" to let people save face. If the language is offensive or setting a bad example, I interject as soon as I catch it. In other situations, I can address it in a one on one. Examples: 

"Susan, you may not be aware, but sometimes you curse during the meeting, and now that we're working remote, children may be around. I'm trying for my children not to be exposed to that type of language. Thanks" 

[Christine P. Dela Rosa]

"You might not be aware" is pretty solid language for not assuming anything. Starts from a place of knowledge-sharing. And thank YOU for sharing your knowledge ;)

[Patrícia Fortunato Montenegro]

@Christine P. Dela RosaI'm very direct in situations like this about language. I'll sinalize to my teammate that language was uncomfortable or even inadequate to our values and culture.

[Christine P. Dela Rosa]

I don't always have the courage to do this but when I do I think it's better received than when I beat around the bush. Also, I greatly appreciate it when I see people very direct in addressing discomfort. Rad!

[Andy Gladstone]

In our organization there are some legacy terms, acronyms and initials that are used by some of the more tenured staff that are not known to newer employees. In cases where the term may be an industry related term or acronym, we have built a dictionary page in Confluence so that everyone can look up the terms and contribute to the definitions provided. 

Initials are a bigger problem as many users will refer to other staff members by their initials, but we have grown to a point where there are multiple staff members with the same initials, even in the same departments. Eradicating this from our CRM has been a challenge, but using Jira and Confluence and tagging someone with the @ symbol has made this easier in internal projects and documentation. It does take constant reminders to the more seasoned staff members not to fall back on initial references, but as the company has grown this has become less of an issue (but does remain one on historical cases/tickets).

[Christine P. Dela Rosa]

Curious: is it the initials that make people feel uncomfortable?

Regardless, I think preferences on how we address each other can sound very different from person to person. So this is a good reminder to perhaps not assume and ask folks how they might want to be addressed. And on the receiving end, to state what preferences are if they are not being respected.

[Andy Gladstone]

@Christine P. Dela Rosa with the initals it's more about not making the reader have to guess or ask who they are referring to. A comment in a case that reads "Please discuss with AG and advise whether this requires escalation" requires the recipient to know which AG to discuss with and may be a source of confusion or contextuality. Why place our employees in a position to have to ask for information? The same comment "Please discuss with Andy Gladstone and advise whether this requires escalation" provides the context and information the recipient needs to complete their task without overhead.

[Christine P. Dela Rosa]

Oooooooh, I see now. The general guideline I'm hearing: make it easier for the recipient. If you know the name of the person then spelling it out will help your listener with direction more quickly. I can appreciate that.

[Darryl Lee]

My approach is to calm myself down from the negative feelings and approach the teammate for:

1. Expressing the uncomfortable feelings conveyed from the words received.
2. Understand why he/she gave the words.
3. My suggestion on better wording.

Maybe too ideal but working on it 💪

[Christine P. Dela Rosa]

For #2, it's interesting to include understanding of why the teammate said their words. I think that's actually helpful because it might make the other person more open to understanding how it made you feel (#1). Shared understanding of each other.