Friday Fun: Revenge of the Sixth

[Rob Horan]

Setting: You are Moff Jerjerrod, and you head the PMO for Imperial capital construction projects.  You and your teams have been doing your best on the new Death Star, but your project is way off track despite your best efforts.  Scope creep is undoubtedly one of the factors, but it's a well-known fact that a rag-tag bunch of rebels has been making great strides against the Empire, and Imperial leadership believes it is due to the use of Atlassian tools to plan and coordinate their efforts. 

Darth Vader has come to demand a course correction for the construction of the Death Star to ensure the project is completed on time.  You don't want to make any mistakes from this point forward because you KNOW he's got a thing for choking people who fail him.

After Vader leaves, you think about how the rebels are far more efficient and productive than the Empire, with far fewer resources. It occurs to you that you could also use Atlassian tools to manage your project, maintain your documentation, and, most importantly - finish your projects on time, which will allow you to get rid of those rebels once and for all while also ensuring your trachea isn't crushed remotely via Zoom meeting.

What's your plan?

[Andy Gladstone]

Well, since it's the Death Star that you are worried about I'd start with making sure your products are CLOUD based. This way they are accessible from any sentry moons or remote Star Destroyers. 

Jira Software, Jira Work Management, Jira Service Management are all necessary to keep the project on track and ensure ongoing support requests are documented and tracked. Trello Enterprise should also be considered for teams that need to have full transparency into the work that each team member is assigned.

And of course, nothing happens unless it is documented in Confluence. Had the Empire stored their schematics for the first Death Star in a secure, centralized knowledgebase like Confluence there would have been no need to store them on disks that could be removed by a squadron of Rogue Rebels leading to it's destruction! 

[Nic Brough -Adaptavist-]

Darth is doomed - he's got a waterfall project to defeat people being Agile...

[Brant Schroeder]

It's time to defect to the rebels.  Even if you use the Atlassian tools the draconian culture of the sith will drag you down.  In order to use the full potential of Atlassian tools you realize you have to turn away from the dark side.

[Elizabeth Barr]

This thread is a delight.

Forget "Come to the dark side, we have cookies" . . .  now we say, "Join the rebels, we have Jira."

[Alex Koxaras _Relational_]

How could I have missed this wonderful thread?

You  of course join the dark side and you steal Obi-wan's Kenobi lines. You hear yourself screaming to your Stormtroopers:

"Use Jira Luke!"

"Confluence is stroOOoOOng with this one"

"Well, hello there!"

And to those who seek to use other platform you simply say:

"This is not the platform you are looking for.."