Friday fun: your best joke

[louisdj]

Hi all
Lets make this Friday fun really fun and post one (or more) of your best jokes!
The joke can be about an Atlassian product, or just a really fun joke you want to share!

I’m not the best joke teller, but I will kickoff:

Sleep with an open window tonight!

1400 mosquitos like that. 420 mosquitos commented on it. 210 mosquitos shared this.

One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.

[Monique vdB]

My six-year-old has a pair of jokes to contribute:

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide!

And the follow up...

Q: Why didn't the chicken cross the playground?
A: Because she was dead!

[Meg Holbrook]

This is why kids are the best. 

[Morten Bjerregaard]

Q: What did one hat say to another?

A: You stay here, I'll go on ahead!

[Meg Holbrook]

 ROFL:ROFL:ROFL:ROFL
         _^___
 L    __/   [] \
LOL===__        \
 L      \________]
         I   I
        --------/

[Andy Heinzer]

Not a joke in the sense of story + punchline, but for those of you that might have missed this previous April fools joke Atlassian did back in 2013, it's worth sharing:

https://www.atlassian.com/jirajr

Happy Friday!

[Thomas Schlegel]

This is funny, I've never seen that before :-)

[Brien Matthys]

Ha!

[Matt Doar]

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

(think Aussie)

[Monique vdB]

Appropriate for our Aussie friends :) 

[Meg Holbrook]

I had too much to drink one time and tried to convince my visiting Aussie friend that I could "speak perfect Australian". This made me laugh extra hard. 

[Meg Holbrook]

I was told this joke in a thrift store, by a woman no younger than 80, while I was eight months pregnant with my youngest child, let me know if this is 'off-color', but I find it hilarious:

A pregnant mother and her husband are at an OBGYN appointment for their baby due in a few weeks. The mother has a lot of anxiety around birth pains and labor, so the Dr. offers to the couple: 'There's a new technology that allows your partner to take on some of the pain during the birth, it's cutting edge!' 

The husband cares deeply for his wife and agrees, adding that women probably overreact.

During the birth, the Dr. hooks the husband up to the machine and diverts 10% of the pain to him. The partner feels nothing, comments about how dramatic his wife is, and asks for more. 

The doctor increases the pain diversion again, this time to 25% and the husband can't believe that he feels nothing. How could it be that women scream and cry during this? He asks for more.

Bit by bit, the mother becomes more and more calm. 

The entire time the husband says he feels absolutely nothing, that he could deliver a child any day of his life, and that women are dramatic and have no pain tolerance. 

Eventually, the diversion is moved to 100% and the couple happily delivers their child, returning home a few days after...

Where they found the mailman dead on the doorstep. 

[Monique vdB]

Hahahaha omg that took me a second to get! That is hilarious, and extra funny that it was told by an 80-year-old lady in a thrift shop.

[Meg Holbrook]

I died. I died so much. 

It was so unsolicited too, she just walked past me, touched me on the shoulder, and said, "I have got a joke for you."

[Heth Siemer]

Three men were in a helicopter; A lawyer, A Doctor, and a Veteran.
The Lawyer had a banana, the Doctor had an apple (fruit), and the Veteran had an old, dead grenade with no pin.

The Lawyer realized her banana was rotten so she threw it out the window. The Doctor did the same with his rotten apple. The Veteran, realizing that ridding himself from the rotten-ness of war and his past was also a good idea, so he did the same.

Later, the Lawyer was walking down the street when she came across a man, who was cursing and screaming. When she asked him what was wrong he told her that a banana had fallen on his head. The Lawyer and the man ended up actually falling in love from the encounter, and got married.

Meanwhile, the Doctor was walking down the street when he came across a woman, who was crying. When he asked her what was wrong she told him that an apple had fallen on her head. The Doctor and the woman ended up actually falling in love from the encounter, and got married.

And finally, the Veteran was walking down the street when he came across a boy, who was laughing his rear-end off. The Veteran joined in, having the best, whole-hearted laugh he'd had in years. Between the fits of laughter, the Veteran asked the boy why he was laughing.

The boy: "I farted and my house blew up."

[Brien Matthys]

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks!

[Jodi LeBlanc]

My 6 year old nephew loves telling jokes, one that I can't seem to forget is:

What's orange and lays in a dish?

What?! No guesses?

A cheezie!  (for those that don't call them this, it's a brand of cheese curls/chips)

Such a "cheesy" joke, but yes that must be the point, even for a six year old.

[Carla Ann Rowland]

What is a puppy's favorite food?

....

....

.....

....

...

Pup-ciles