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Friday fun: What’s your plan in the event of a zombie apocalypse?

Mike Cannon-Brookes

G’day and happy Friday from Sydney! For my (first ever) Friday Fun, I want to know what you’d do if a zombie apocalypse happened.

I would join the zombies - not sure that is a great answer, but they seem like they are winning. No one ever says "let’s join the zombies".

If I had to, I would go to a smaller island and regroup - easier to screen who comes in and out. Zombies never fly you see, logically.

How about you?

Comments

Jimmy Seddon

This is a great question and one that I have put far too much thought into over the years!

I won't just join the zombies, that seems like the easy way out.

I do however like the idea of getting to a small island, that's smart thinking.

Where I always seem to end up at is that I would do my best to keep my family and myself alive as long as possible, and I think that's all I can really do in the end!

Happy Halloween!

LarryBrock

Having grown up where we didn't have zombies but we did have tornadoes with some regularity and having worked in IT for 30+years where disaster planning is essential, I can say that I'm fairly well prepared.

Go bag is ready
Extra fuel cans are ready
Several escape routes are pre-planned
Multiple defensible rendezvous locations selected
Family, extended family, friends all know the drill
Somewhat regular discussion and walk-throughs conducted

Mad Max GIF

:-)

~~Larry

Gregory Van Den Ham_2hc9n5

I think I'd take over an Ikea. They're already equipped with solar roofs, have plenty of wood to burn and typically have large parking lots to turn back into farm land. Added pluses, Swedish meatballs, stocked cafeteria, ready made beds and living rooms.

Celina Zamora

HA! @Gregory Van Den Ham your answers always crack me up.

Gregory Van Den Ham_2hc9n5

My issue with the island is zombies float and wash onto shore. Can't rely on the sharks to get them all, so you still have to build a defensible perimeter. The solution does become better though if there's a lighthouse available to use as a lookout.

Gregory Van Den Ham_2hc9n5

Yeah, you know... i imagine everyone would make a land grab for the local grocery store to get access to food, medicine and water. It's really indefensible though with so many people going after it.

Now, in Chicago- I might consider going after the Sears tower. With its updates, it gained some green roof tiers, but also vending machines. With the amount of tenants in the building and figuring each one likely has 2 vending machines full of individually wrapped, highly preservable items, there's opportunity to fortify lower stairwells and survive for some time. You also have a great overview of the city to see what's happening. Problem is you're in a high rise and how do you get out? This plan requires a parachute or at least ziplines connected to neighboring buildings.

Matt Doar_tzgiej

The British science magazine "New Scientist" has weekly interviews with various people, and one of its standard questions is "how would you survive in a zombie apocalypse?". It's fascinating to see what the interviewees say. Some seem a bit, erm, stuck for words.

So, more than "what actions would you take in a z.a", I'll tweak the question to "what skills could you bring to a z.a.?".

Hmm. I'm a bit stuck for words here. I've good hearing so maybe I could be the watch guard for their approach. I assemble information and write well so I could be the historian who records all our tragic ends for posterity.

Next up: how to use a Trello board to track your zombie apocalypse

Kat Warner

My plan is to apply the practical training I have from toddler-rearing.

Image result for babies zombies

Earl McCutcheon

True Story..... LOL

Earl McCutcheon

Step 1: Initiate emergency response plan which kinda looks like this.... but with more running and screaming:

Step 2: Regather myself from the initial shock and....... Bring on the Zermbies

Earl McCutcheon

Looks like it would be quite a "Thriller!"...... :P

Davin Studer

So, zombies just don't seem all that intelligent to me. Now, I don't typically watch zombie flicks, but I have seem some pretty convincing zombie makeup. So, I'm thinking the best way to not get zombified is to just blend in. I don't think they would be able to tell the difference.

ɹǝʞɐq pɐɹq

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse is just a matter of following the rules :

Cardio
The Double Tap
Beware of Bathrooms
Wear Seat Belts
...

..

(Damn - that reminds me - I need to start working more on my Cardio......)

Kat Warner

My husband has both The Zombie Survival Guide and the The Toddler Survival Guide : Complete Protection from the Whiny Unfed

The Zombie Survival Guide The Toddler Survival Guide

frother

It's a great question, and one our incident training does not cover!

Jimmy Seddon

LOL that's awesome! I didn't even realize it until I see the side by each comparison!

Bryan Trummer - ReleaseTEAM

When I lived in Nebraska and used to work at a mall as security we all had a plan on using the mall to survive the apocalypse. We had areas in the mall that only we could get to so we could stop the infected from getting there. We also had several vehicles that we could fashion into zombie "mowing" machines to make runs to the grocery store across the street and Dick's Sporting Goods to restock as well. But now living in Florida, I may have to go with the island plan. I thought hanging out in a boat right offshore would be ok but as I have learned from FTWD at that point the zombies can't get you but the people can. The good thing is we live kind of in a weird spot where there are large areas of land, so I just need to make friends with those people because I am sure they have a plan in place as well.

Bryan Trummer - ReleaseTEAM

This might be the best thing to do! Especially if its an Ikea that has two levels rather than just one!

Angélica Luz

I would say: FINALLY, I CAN PUT IN PRACTICE THE HOURS I SPENT PLAYING RESIDENT EVIL. Then, I would remember that I don’t have guns, so I would have to use knives.

If it happens one day, I will fight (not sure how) to protect the ones that I love.

Teodora V _Warsaw Dynamics_

My colleagues always make a lot of fun on me about this topic!

One of my "special" skills is that I'm always slower than everything else - I'm eating slow, understanding slower, and about the news or updates - oh my, I'm lucky to be the office events organizer.

Otherwise, there won't be a single event that I would know about. I'm Botron's John Snow

So if there is a zombie apocalypse, I'll be perfectly fine! At the moment that I understand about it, it will probably be long gone.

Dara_rj5g7h

Great topic for a Friday-Fun thread!

This is always an interesting subject for me, since I have a severe form of asthma and need daily medication in order to keep breathing properly. So, chances are, when civilisation comes crumbling down, I will simply not survive. I do, however, do better outdoors and when there is less air pollution. So there is still a chance I will survive without medication, as long as I don't do much running, or other physical activities.

Aka, my plan is to hang out at a hideout and keep everything there working properly while others are out fighting or scavenging. I am quite technical (love making or fixing things!), I can cook, I actually studied to become a psychologist for a while, and I currently work in IT. I hate cleaning, but it's better than dying, so I can do that too.

Competent zombie survival people! I volunteer to maintain (and improve) your hideout and your mental health! Please let me in!

Dara_rj5g7h

I do always wonder how zombies know who to attack and not.. Since they're supposed to be mindless ('cause, the brains thing), but they don't attack each other. I would theorise it's probably by something else than looks, though..

Well, only one way to find out. I say you try, I watch from a safe vantage point. Then we'll know. For science!

Scott Theus

You do realize that when push comes to shove the slower ones get eaten, right?

Scott Theus

Two words: Survivalist's bunker.

Teodora V _Warsaw Dynamics_

Yeah, I hope that I'm completely tasteless.

Jodi LeBlanc

Awesome topic! My husband and I have been preparing for natural disasters (including a zombie apocalypse) for a few years now - we hope nothing ever happens in our lifetime but it is great to be prepared just in case. We have survival packs in the trunks of our cars, emergency backpacks ready to grab at a moment's notice, and a fully stocked pantry with enough water and Mountain House Meals for at least 6 months (Mountain House has a 30 year shelf life - so we are good for at least another 27 years).

By the way, I live on an Island much smaller than Australia (Prince Edward Island, Canada - population 150k), and we do have many lighthouses to keep a close eye on those zombies floating to shore.

I recently had an interesting conversation with a cab driver about how we have become a cashless society, and if a disaster was predicted, everyone would make a mad dash to their banks to empty their bank accounts, however the banks only hold a certain percentage of funds in actual cash. So after that talk I have squirreled away enough "real cash" in the event of a disaster. Cash may be worthless in most disastrous situations but it never hurts to be prepared for all scenarios - big or small. Also, I've been told that bags of sugar would be considered a luxury item and would be good for trading for other essential items when rebuilding from a disaster.

I also boxed for a few years and took some self-defense courses so if I had to fight off zombies to stay alive, I hope I would be prepared physically. But just in case I am going to invest in an eternal flame thrower, an elven sword, a bulldozer, an indestructible bubble suit and a shotgun

Dharma Ramos

My daughter said she will take over the Bass Pro Shop or outdoors shop, she figures everyone else will go for grocery stores or other big box shops, where Bass Pro has everything you need and more.

I have decided I will find the nearest veterinarian and hang out with them. In just about every zombie movie or show they don't find doctors or surgeons, but almost always find veterinarians.

Rachel Wright

Larry, it sounds like we need a new movie for Texans: "Zombienado"!!

I'm with you though. I'm always prepped and ready to go. We recently added additional gas cans to our preps. We are now able to store enough to guarantee that we can get from the very bottom of Florida out of the state, while towing our home on wheels. Of course, we are outrunning hurricanes...

Last time a storm was on the way, we filled up early enough that there was still gas available - however, it was only the premium octane. Now we fill up earlier and also don't let the main tank go below 1/2 full. Expensive lesson but lesson learned!

Ollie Guan

In order to protect myself and my family, I must plant some plants in the yard!

TIM截图20191102100136.png

Vinod Ramadoss

I would definitely not want to join the zombie group, they are slow and boring.

I will resort to a gun, which can spit fire, launch rockets and grenades, fire 1000 rounds per minute, has a laser beam, sound blasts and what not, all in the same gun, and would use all these on them.

Would also like to bash them with my hands, may be brucelee style nunchuks and all those, imagining me doing all these am feeling so funny about myself now

Monique vdB

It me:

Mandy Ross

I live on 88 acres in Washington State near Mt. Ranier with an underground bunker, plenty of ammo, in a forest full of deer and elk and a river full of trout on our property and a husband trained in archery and riflery. I'm also a damn good shot, and know how to can food and forage from the forest.

I'm going to be just fine.

*NOW TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE SHELTER*

Mirek

Well @Mike Cannon-Brookes ,

I agree with you that getting on an island is the best idea. But which one is the best to choose? My proposal is to renovate this "apartment" on Alcatraz

It was really hard to escape from it so maybe it would be also hard to get on it. And in addition of course we still have always a stunning view on San Francisco Bay Arena including of course Golden Gate

Alice_vht1hx

First of all, I would create a new Trello board... 😆

Jimmy Seddon

@Vinod Ramadoss have you ever played or seen Ratchet & Clank? Because I'm pretty sure you just described most of the weapons in that game

Jimmy Seddon

Forget the Zombie Apocalypse for a second. That sounds like an amazing p[;ace to live! I'd love to have a setup like that!

Jodi LeBlanc

I agree, please add me to the list

Jodi LeBlanc

Lol we think alike @Alice ! I have uploaded all my husband's handwritten preparedness notes to Trello as images (see my photo above as an example). Right now it is just on our Agile Household board, but perhaps I need to rethink that and create a separate one. I will wait until you share yours first as I know it will cover absolutely everything I would ever need to prepare for

Vinod Ramadoss

@Jimmy Seddon

Alice_vht1hx

@Jodi LeBlanc haha yes! But you're actually very well organized! I should start an emergency board myself

Brant Schroeder

I believe that this has already been addressed at Summit 2012. https://www.atlassian.com/company/events/summit-us/watch-sessions/2012/archives/jira-everywhere/zombie-apocalypse

Thomas Schlegel

Of course I would play the board game "Zombicide" with them:

Kill them with my sword:

Or run like hell...

Dharma Ramos

Or Dead of Winter:

3d-box-right-cr-dow_0

Shaun Sheehan

I would move up to my ski club in the mountains! Fewer people = (hopefully) fewer Zombies. Plus, I'm thinking the ice and snow on the sloes might thwart them...

Jeff Tillett

Since I love to camp, and I am active with scouts, my plan would be to just go on vacation.

I would probably take my travel trailer and go find Rachel and her husband and set up camp.

Sounds like a great excuse for an extended vacation.

PS. Thanks @Mike Cannon-Brookes for popping in and having some fun with us out here in the community. You are a rock star!

Rachel Wright

Come south @Jeff Tillett ! We're hiding (from the snow...and maybe zombies) in Florida.

Maybe we can convince @Jay to hop in his rig and join us.

I totally love this thread! Really fun discussion.

Bryan Trummer - ReleaseTEAM

Absolutely love both of these games!

Deepanshu Natani

I will join @Jimmy Seddon , @Jodi LeBlanc and @Mandy Ross . They have already made plans enough to survive. And yes, I will also assist @Alice with updating her Trello board :-D

Alice_vht1hx

@Deepanshu Natani thank you! I'l be happy to get some help 😄

Jodi LeBlanc

Thanks @Alice - I look forward to seeing your board if you share it in the future

Deepanshu Natani

And you know "Boxing" too!

Jodi LeBlanc

Lol too funny!

Panos Kouvelis_5ma95t

Probably setup a next-gen Jira project, invite shareholders to co-create a roadmap with the survival MVP epics and then start packing!

After all, we all have Jira Cloud in our smartphones...

Also we don't need to worry on updating our customer facing support. It's self-serve using answers in Confluence.

That's like a commercial right?

Second part of the commercial shows a world clean of zombies and me publishing a retrospect with reports in Confluence.

But seriously now, if I was on the side of the survivors, it would be nice to have access to military vehicles with enough fuel and ammo.

:-P

Panos Kouvelis_5ma95t

That's actually one of the best answers I ever heard for a very popular question, kudos sir!

I offer my fishing skills to join the party.

edwin vasquez_f9df79

Find an Island that has a Costco or Sams! They have everything you need :-D

Tim Keyes

Hopefully Mandy lets the other Jira Align folks and I hide out on her property. If not I would probably swim to an island or something hoping zombies can not swim.

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