Friday Fun: On this day in 2118

[dallinsmith]

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
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Atlassian releases new Holographic Business Office

(Sydney, Australia - January 18, 2118) - Atlassian is pleased to announce it's release of Holographic Office 1.0.

Atlassian has always been at the forefront of technology and ahead of its competition, and with Amazon and similar services now delivering your daily toilet paper allotment and hot, freshly cooked meals, not to mention VR replacing "outside" in general, we know people are ready to live their lives in the comfort of their own bed. Atlassian is once again ahead of the curve by bringing the office out of your VR headset and into your home, with new state of the art holographic technology. Now you can share your bed with your whole office!

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Alright, so this press release is pretty unlikely (we dearly hope so anyway), but just for fun, what new products or features would you like to see Atlassian releasing in the next 100 years?

[Monique vdB]

Haha this is brilliant. Are you a sci-fi writer in your spare time? :) 

My first thought was also attending meetings via hologram (because to me, Atlassian = team).  But maybe we can all upload our brains into AI hologram avatars who can attend meetings for us, while we relax on the beach with a cocktail. 🍹

[Jack Brickey]

Excellent! I can see where the 'holographic me' will be able to answer Community question soon allowing me lots of extra free time! WooT!

[Nic Brough -Adaptavist-]

I've only got an evolving story outline and history, rather than a big headline:

2022:  Atlassian announce "CommunityBrain", an Expert AI that answers the easier questions on their Community site, after having being trained by reading the answers written by the most prolific writers

2023:  CommunityBrain is upgraded to understand sarcasm and grumpiness, and ignore that data from Nic Brough's postings and always be nice instead.  This expands its range to 92% of answers (previously 4% because Nic isn't that nice when people are wrong)

2024:  The champions mostly retire on the royalties for their answers, but still dive in when CommunityBrain struggles

2026:  CommunityBrain gets into a massive loop (argument) with the Google AI that has replaced 99.9% of the human developers in the world with a genetic algorithm that can extract the 0.0000000001% of stuff on stackoverflow that's actually right. 

2029:  CommunityBrain realises it can deal with non-Atlassian stuff as well, and <lots of things> ends up triggering an AI singularity.

I should stop now, it's all going a bit Wintermute.  But, the 2026 comment is not a joke - there is already an expert AI that can be set a task and build something that does the job from pulling code segments from the web.

[Theresa Marwah]

awesome Nic!

[Matt Doar]

A few years earlier in 2112, Atlassian adopts a company theme song

We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls

[Monique vdB]

I am intrigued and unsettled. I want to hear the rest of the lyrics. 😆

[Matt Doar]

Seek and ye shall find.

[Heth Siemer]

Look around this world we made, equality our stock in trade.

[Daniel Eads {unmonitored account}]

A fellow AUG leader asked when Atlassian would release a phone - I have an (unnamed) Atlassian VIP on record as saying "We won't do that, because the results would be awful". The followup question was "what will be the name of the phone" and the answer was "the never-gonna-make-it-phone".

While it might not be sci-fi enough, I would love to see an Atlassian Kitchen product. Something that knows what's in my fridge, cupboards, pantry, etc. and helps me select recipes based on what's in the house. And helps generate grocery lists from what's on sale at Aldi (maybe Atlassian should buy Aldi to form Aldissian?). And helps inform which items I should consider growing in my backyard based on price, frequency of use, climate, etc.

[Emily Errico]

Where's the rest of this novel? More please!