Just like the title states, let's hear which five celebrities you would spend quarantine with! Like all good hypotheticals there are going to be some strict rules around this challenge.
- Let's assume you'll be together for something like two or threes months before you can go back to your normal lives and locations.
- You won't have to "defend" yourself or anything crazy. Just chill and self-isolate.
- The celebrities you are choosing must be alive. Sorry to the Billy Shakespeare heads or John Lennon lovers, only living celebs will be considered. (Also sorry to Nearly Headless Nick from the Harry Potter series, Ron was very crass at your Death Day party and I don't think people have properly apologized to you for that.)
- You must state where you will be quarantining and it also must be an actual place. As much as I would love to quarantine with Han Solo and Chewbacca on the Millennium Falcon (or better yet the Death Star, much more room to roam) it must be a real place humans can actually go to now. (But of course you could say you want to be at Disney World and in particular the Galaxy's Edge Star Wars park where there is an actual YT Model Correllian Freighter just hanging out, that does count but you'd be kicking it with Harrison Ford (or the other guy who needed an acting coach) and Joonas Suotamo (RIP Peter Mayhew)).
- And finally, please share a quick synopsis of the day in the life of your Quarantine Qrew. What do you do all day? What's your schedule like? What problems will arise? What skills will you acquire?
Ok time for my team...
1. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
In the immortal words of StarLord aka Peter Quill in Avengers Infinity War, "Ok I'm gonna commit, I'm gonna get a Bowflex", my first pick is about committing to health and fitness. With The Rock on my quarantine qrew we are going to have our workouts completely dialed in and motivation through the roof. Have you seen this guys Instagram? I'm pretty sure all he does is talk into his phone and work out. On top of having an accountabili-buddy in The Rock after our time in quarantine he would surely save me a role in one of the future 36 Fast and the Furious movies that are in pre-production. I will need to squirrel away some time during all this to set up an IMDB page for myself. Anyway, The Rock will be our personal trainer and film career shaman.
2. Charles Barkley
3. Shaquille O'Neal
This is a package deal. Neither lives while the other survives (at lest in terms of pranks and being invited to my self-isolation shindig). I am a life-long lover of anything related to basketball and not only would I have two of the all-time greats of the NBA chillin with me every day, I have two of the all-time great jokers on all of TV. Here's my favorite Chuck and Shaq hamming it up video. The relationship between these two is sometimes tenuous which would make quarantine life so much more interesting. Chuck and Shaq come to my quarantine party for the pranks and basketball talk and stay for the friendship and camaraderie.
4. Seth Rogan
Purely added for comedic relief. Are there funnier people? Maybe. Are there more famous people? Sure. Are there people who would be a better "hang." Surely. I could sub out Seth for Jason Segal, Jason Bateman or Kevin Hart to provide even more levity but I am picking Seth Rogan because I think he would be fearless in pranking everybody in the house. Especially my next pick...
5. Guy Fieri
After a long day of working out and self-isolating the team is going to need to refuel. What better way to refuel than taking a very quick trip over to Flavor Town? My guy Guy will cook us up some Trash Can Nachos served with some Bud Light Platinums or something like that and we will be riding high at the end of each day.
Location: Mark Wahlburg's Mansion in Bel Air
I saw a video of James Corden going to go work out at Marky Mark's house once and it looked like it had a full gym, basketball court and TONS of space on top of being on a golf course in the middle of LA. So, something like that is where we'll be located. We need a lot of space because we have a squad of very large humans. Note: Mark Wahlburg is not invited.
Activities: So many
Since we've created so much room for activities my team I think will have a healthy balance of hanging out and also have some space to be away from each other. Here's how I see a day in the life going with my team...
8:00-8:50AM: Non Flavor Town breakfast.
Something that Guy makes for The Rock and me so we are prepared for our work out but nothing too tasty. We need to be fueled but bogged down during these insane work out sessions. Maybe The Rock could be our breakfast chef and we could finally smell what The Rock was cookin?
9:00-9:10AM: Workout
I can only make it ten minutes into The Rock's workout routine before I pass out and almost die. Spend the rest of the time learning how to hold a 2x4 and looking tough so I can be on a movie poster with The Rock one day. Sub out a 2x4 for learning how to look like I'm fidgeting with my cuff links and looking off into the distance for extremely staged Instagram posts. Depends on the day. Note: Chuck, Shaq and Seth will also be working out but they will be going at 2mph on exercise bikes making fun of the other people working out similar to the guys in the box on The Muppets who just talk trash all day. Another note: Not sure where Guy lands on the workout spectrum so we'll have to revisit that another day.
9:15-11:00AM Complete Workout and get ready for the day
Insert montage of me achieving my dreams and The Rock doing pull ups or something.
12:00AM-6:00PM: Lunch + Pranks + General Shenanigans
Since we'll be living on a golf course I anticipate a lot of golf, golf practice and inevitably golf trickshot challenges that will cause large sums of property damage. Another great reason to choose Charles Barkley is so I have someone to smoke in golf each day. Possibly the only golfer worse than me is Sir Charles. I wanted to change out The Rock for Tiger Woods for this thought experiment but I decided against because I'm not trying to go pro as a golfer, I'm trying to be in terrible action movies and enjoy golf. In addition to golf I'm anticipating a lot of 3-on-3 basketball (me, Chuck and Guy VS Shaq, The Rock and Seth Rogan). I match up surprisingly well with Shaq since I've gained 83 pounds from both my insane workout routine and eating and entire bucket of chicken wings and pizza rolls that Guy makes for us each day. After golf, hoops and general shenanigans I can definitely see some heated games of Settlers of Catan. We'd have to get some expansion packs so everyone can play of course. I bet there would be some intense matchups given that I am awesome at that game and I can almost guarantee that Guy Fieri would just try and hoard wheat the whole time with no game plan.
On top of sports, playing games and roasting each other I envision the team working together to solve some of the world's problems. We would possibly form a charitable foundation together to fight a common enemy and use all of our skills to better the lives of those in need. Idk though, who knows if there will be enough time for that.
7:00pm Flavor Town
As I've alluded to throughout this post, Guy Fieri is our personal chef. Diner's, Drive In's and Dives every single day! Can you imagine?! So many chicken wings! Burgers! Probably some cool desserts! I bet Guy has got the hookup on some great homemade ice cream recipes! On second thought, I might change Seth Rogan out for a cardiologist.
Conclusion
Let's hear your Celebrity Quarantine Team in the comments. Go into as much or as little detail as you want and have fun with it. Hope everyone is staying safe and healthy!
