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SOLVED
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I was using JIRA Agile's "Work" board, and I loved how it auto-assigned a task to me when I moved an issue into "In Progress". I also loved how it asked for a time spent update for the issue when I moved it to "resolved" or "closed".
Then I went into the board configuration window / columns and did "Simplify"
Whoops!
Now these wonderful features no longer happen! Someone please help!