So, sometimes page property report and charts will get slower over time as people add data that goes into them.
That is not the case here. We performed the update and the performance subsequently fell off a cliff. Server looks healthy but everything is slow. We're moving from one LTS to another so whatever bug we're encountering must have arrived in one of the intervening versions but we're not sure where that would be.
Has anyone else encountered an issue with this recently? I'm going through the archives looking for answers, not finding much directly applicable yet.